My expectations of quality on LinkedIn feed are lower than they’ve ever been, but I logged in today and was struck at how inane and self-serving the posts all are.

The worst part is, I know most of these people personally. They are real people with real ideas. They have nuanced thoughts about businesses, organizations, and life in general.

Yet when it comes time to post things on LinkedIn it’s junk. People say things that would embarrass them if the same words passed their lips in front of a friend, but since they’re shouting–or rather typing–it into the ether that little voice that says “nah, maybe you shouldn’t say that” is silent.

As a result we get garbage like this:

I could not be more excited to share the news of our investment/regulatory approval…

Truly? You could not be more excited than you are right now to share the news about… the FDA approving some widget? This is peak?

posAdj. opportunity to work with an posAdj. team at an posAdj. startup!

Sure beats all those mediocre opportunities to work with a disgruntled team at floundering startup.

So grateful for the recognition from donor the opportunity to seed new research directions in my_domain

So grateful? How grateful actually?

I am excited to organize the discipline conference within the premier broader_discipline event

Are you excited? Or is this Yet Another Conference Talk? What’s a moment in your personal life that got you excited as this conference event?

A few more:

It has been an honor and a privilege working at company the past n years along side an extremely talented team pushing the boundaries of multiple disciplines to enable product.

As a my job title, time and again I find that getting to the ground truth of the challenges facing my_clients is key to overcoming them. But what’s the best way to discover the root causes of problems so you can figure out solutions? #the hot new thing

Hey LinkedIn! If you’re new to following me, I talk about hashtag, hashtag, hashtag, hashtag, and hashtag. Let me know if you have any suggestions on what to share! emoji

It is the honor of a lifetime to announce the launch of our first product via our public beta, in conjunction with our $xM fundraise co-led by fancy_VC and less fancy VC.

I guess it’s possible that every writer is as superlatively ecstatic as they say. Maybe they don’t know quite how to show it and so reach for template sentences. If so, I sympathize.

But without being able to read minds a reader has no choice but to guess that what you write reflects what you think. If what you write lacks degree, always cranked up to 11, you’re in danger of your reader believing your thinking is equally simple.